Firstly, I’d just like to wish all my followers and friends a peaceful and joyous holiday. Although Christmas doesn’t mean much to me personally anymore – there are people around me that have the magic and to you all I wish you the very best. Have a great Christmas.

Secondly, I feel that I need to apologise for the blog neglect – It’s been a combination of falling out of love with writing and being busy.

I started work again this morning after having 6 days off to visit my more than beautiful girls. Seeing them is such an amazing feeling – deep-seated and heartwarming. I love them both so dearly, that I cannot describe. We managed to get a full weekend together and enjoyed an early Christmas. I cried when I returned them home – I’m not afraid to share this. Not seeing them when I would like makes me feel so unhappy sometimes. They are growing up into beautiful little women, both very independent and full of love… bursting at the seams. I bought them gifts before I went to pick them up and placed them under the tree writing them both a note before they arrived. It basically said that we were going shopping for their bigger presents the following day as they were growing so fast and size was a factor in what they both wanted. They both wanted a coat and some boots – my eldest had set her heart on a coat from a store called river Island and boots from the same shop – she is 11 years old. She’s clever, funny and has a huge heart – she thinks about the choices she is offered and is level headed. The coat she chose suited her style perfectly.  A beige leather with a faux fur collar and liner.. her boots were beige with an inch heel – sensible heel with a gold chain contrasting the leather with faux snakeskin. She also had some money gifted to her from family here – which she picked out a white camisole top with a vest underneath and some black shorts with thick black winter tights. My youngest saw a coat in another (equally as expensive) store but it was completely different.. a black 3/4 length sparkly coat with black faux fur liner and double breast buttons. The boots she chose were in a woman’s shop that I didn’t realise catered for teenagers. However she’s 9 years old. I spotted a pair of boots and when she saw them, her eyes lit up. A wedge brown boot with an inch heel. They instantly fit her and she walked perfectly….. I think I realised at this point that they weren’t my babies anymore and had to take a seat. My mother saw that I was about to cry and whisked them away to look at dresses. So I composed myself… my youngest picked out a designer dress she liked and wanted to buy with the family money she had. It was more expensive than the elders.. but she realised that she wouldn’t have as much left over and was happy with this.

Both their faces were a picture… a memory I will never forget. Shopping in adult stores with my baby girls.
When I returned them home – I could see my youngest starting to cry… it never, ever gets easier saying goodbye. They are the reason I’m still here… and always will be.

So now I’m crying again… I guess It’s because I won’t be able to see them tomorrow… they will be enjoying the day and I’ll be on the island working.. so I’d like to appeal to everyone that follows me….

Don’t take your family for granted. Because you’ll notice when they aren’t around you… it hurts so much but you value the pain because you know they are thinking about you. If you can’t be with your loved ones or family… make sure they know that you love them.

I have a friend and colleague that has terminal cancer. He is 10 years older than myself and it’s touch and go whether he will make new year… for sure this is his last Christmas, he will leave a wife and two children and his strength is compelling –

So please.. don’t take life for granted… cherish every single second you have with your loved ones… your friends… and try not to hate or have bad feelings for people. Humanity and humility come from the heart and soul.

I’m working all day tomorrow, it’s a much better idea for me to be busy – because I do not want to break down like I often feel like.. because I’m strong, I’m a loving person who deserves some luck and I know deep inside that my girls and my soul will one day be rewarded with everything I ever dreamed of.

I’m going to sleep now – please heed my little Christmas message – love those friends and family around you and spare a moments thought for people less fortunate… who are homeless, who can’t physically be with their family or friends and who are working to keep you all safe.

Much love xxx